Okay let start off with why I hate Walmart, or why I currently hate Walmart more than usual. Thanks to this money-grubbing germ factory I’m mourning the complete ruination of my illness free streak of nearly 6 yrs. That’s right! I’ve worked with John Q Public for 6 yrs, in Dallas/Ft Worth one of the bigger cities with an international airport… I’ve avoided the flu, the stomach bugs and bird flu’s and the west nile viruses and the other various forms of creeping funk that is out there. This is despite the public’s complete and total disregard for other people’s health and quite possibly deliberate attempts to spread the misery of their illness. Misery loves company right? I think they’re doing it on purpose but I digress.
My long-standing sick free streak that I HAD been enjoying immensly has been felled by some grimy, snot-monster, disease ridden moron at walmart or by a poor unfortunate soul who works there and did not wipe down the cart after the aforementioned moron used it in a rinky dink town of less than 5K people.. (Which, it just occurs to me patient zero, should make it pretty easy to track you down and then burn you at the stake and rid the land of your pestilance!)
How can I be sure of that? Because I work with precisely 2 other people… none of whom are sick and the only place I went was Walmart. I went there to buy my husband (also not sick and one of the 2 people I work with) a birthday present and they didn’t even have anything I wanted to get him. Everything I wanted they either didn’t stock anymore… (IE a new stairmaster) nor did they have the game hubby wanted. I did not come into contact with anyone else… and not only was the trip a complete waste of time but it is also now rubbing salt in the wound by compounding it’s sin by making me sick.
My normally pinkish nose has realized that it’s the end of the year and it is well behind on mucus production quota for the year. As a result of this oversight it has now kicked into a frenzied year end drive to make up for it and in the process is now drowning me. I am not sure if this is my body’s attempt at a mercy killing or as payback for not getting the chocolate donut it wanted last week. Either way my nose is now so bright red that I’m replacing Rudolf as lead reindeer for Santa’s sleigh duty, my head is killing me and when I try to speak dogs whine and dolphins have responded but I have no idea what they’re saying. When I do manage to croak out a few words I sound like Tony Soprano and Gilbert Godfrey had a baby with an asthmatic pug. I can’t breathe through my nose, I cough and sneeze sometimes at the same time, which by the way.. feels AWESOME…
So Thank you Walmart…. now you know why I refuse to shop there
Now.. why is mother nature a B***h? You know why! Because she’s decided I wasn’t miserable enough already and had to add to it… I’m getting realll sick and tired of your s**t! I am at the age where I am perfectly content to wait on grandkids, so KNOCK IT OFF…. or I’ll throw all your little toys in the trash for random wild animals to eat.
Oh and THIS Mother Nature… is why we dump s**t in your streams! Because you SUCK!
Yours Truly; Sick and Tired.