humor, Our trip to Arizona, Randomness

No young people in Arizona!

We’ve been here almost 3 weeks and I realized yesterday I have seen no children. It’s like if aliens visited this part of the world and based their opinions on us a species they’d think we were dying off. I’ve been to many stores and walked around grocery stores and what not and I have seen no children. No crying toddlers, no squabbling kids… it’s really strange. I find myself looking for a child as if it was a mythical unicorn.

Surrounded by venerated grey-haired people and seemingly being the youngest people here is quite disturbing.

Another strange thing: The house the company is renting for us is for sale and there is a stack of stat sheets on the house on the kitchen island. It states that when you pay home owner’s association dues you have free use of the recreation center; the center has a pool and a gym, classes and events to go to. However…. we are not allowed to use it because we are too young; you must be at least 55 to get to use it.

They have golf cart parking at the grocery stores and instead of shoe stores and little shops on the corner they have pharmacies. Every other building is urology, hip replacement, radiology, used medical equipment thrift stores, 4 hospitals, and omg there are barbers everywhere!

It also appears that there is a whole lot of sex going on here… Nobody wants to think of their grandparents getting their swerve on but it’s happening! There is a “gentleman’s club” on every other corner. I’m not saying there’s strippers and what not going on but the buildings have no windows and a small nondescript entrance. The lady in front of me at the pharmacy had a gallon of vodka, 2 bags of skinny pop popcorn chips and condoms. She was 85 yrs old!  What on earth do you need a gallon of vodka for? I’m certain that there was a party going on there and it would be over well before 8 pm.

I’m picturing a bunch of octogenarians waking up the next morning wondering if it was just a hell of a party or if they’ve had a stroke or a senior moment. “Dude where’s my walker?” Grandma’s scuttling in before dawn trying not to get caught by their children; daughters and sons waiting up late. Catching their parent sneaking in while they’re getting their children off to school.

Daughter: Mom! Are you just getting home?
Mom: No…. I was just getting the newspaper.
Daughter: Mom… you’re climbing in through the window and your wig is crooked!
Mom: Uhmm I locked myself out..
Daughter: Jesus mom.. at least tell me you’re being responsible! Go to your room before the kids see you.
There is a huge billboard here saying: STD’s are the fastest growing health risk to the 60+ age group. There is something very disturbing about radio commercials for classes about STD awareness and sexual intimacy while aging. Made only even more so by the tagline: We know it’s a difficult subject but we promise to make the discussion lively and fun! Those are words that should never be used in a sentence.

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