After reading these, I giggled a lot and then got depressed. How is it that I am not published with this drivel out there? Some of my favorites from the list (with my added commentary) are below:
“Aro laughed. ‘Ha ha ha,’ he giggled.”
(New Moon by Stephenie Meyer)
Can we say redundant? Where is your editor? Fire them. 😛
“It was about as distinctive as the most distinctive thing you could ever think of.”
(Killing Floor: The Jack Reacher Series by Lee Child)
Come again now? That’s just lazy… but I can come up with some pretty distinctive things!
“He did not trust the woman not to trust him. And he did not want to be mistrusted now.”
(Thank You, M’am by Langston Hughes)
What’s scary is I think I understand this one… I think needs her to trust him and he doesn’t think she will and he can’t risk her not trusting him. Like she’d maybe go to the police or something. (I think)
“Like the wolf he was named for was he, he realized, for his life was solitary above all else.”
(Unicorn Vengeance by Claire Delacroix)
I sprained something trying to figure this one out… and I think I have this book. I think she’s missing a word. Or it’s in the wrong place.
“Her legs were quills. They were bundles of wicker, they were candelabra; the muscles were summer lightning, that flickered like a passing thought; they were captured eels or a cable on a windlass. Her thighs were geese, pythons, schooners. They were cypress or banyan; her thighs were a forge, they were shears; her thighs were sandstone, they were the sandstone buttresses of a cathedral, they were silk or cobwebs. Her calves were sweet with the sap of elders, her feet were bleached bones, her feet were driftwood. Her feet were springs, marmosets or locusts; her toes were snails, they were snails with shells of tears.”
(Silk and Steel by Ron Miller)
I think, if someone were describing me this way, I’d be insulted.