Randomness

okay normally I wouldn’t do this BUT!!

Hello WordPressers,

Ordinarily I support authors of all kinds and all genres, and I would never denigrate the hard work that goes into them. HOWEVER… I am sort of convinced that this is why I can’t have nice things.

Books like A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay. I mean, I applaud the humor in this title and I’m onboard if it’s tongue in cheek check your brain at the door allegory for corporations and how they stick it to the employees… or even poking fun at the religious belief that dinosaurs didn’t exist and at homophobic rhetoric.

But that isn’t what this is… AND there’s a sequel. Seriously? I mean, how can we be taken seriously with this out there? I dunno. On the plus side, the reviews are so funny! But then this guy has 26 reviews?! I’m sitting at a whopping 15 combined for 2 of my books. It’s disheartening. I don’t begrudge the author his craft. Not really.

Somewhat tongue in cheek and somewhat with sour grapes and a side of seriously? and a little bit of envy at the number of reviews.
~Kaw

PS…  this review is PRICELESS… I think I love this reviewer. BUT A WARNING: If the title itself didn’t warn you, the review will have some spoilers, refer to homosexual acts and what nots in the review. Do not read it if you’re offendable.

FOR SCIENCE: I READ THIS SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO, November 5, 2014
Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
This review is from: A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay (Kindle Edition)
5% in: “’The CEO…isn’t that Oliver Anderson? The dinosaur billionaire?’ He asked, I could hear the upset tone in his voice. My father had never liked the dinosaurs ever since they began taking control of the world economy.” OK, two thoughts: 1. Oliver Anderson? I know actual humans with more dinosaur-sounding names than that. C’mon. 2. So maybe this is a cleverly-veiled critique of corporate fat cats and the corrupt banking industry??? Fingers crossed!

16% in: “A gust of cool air encompassed me as I entered the lobby which was made entirely of white marble.” Wouldn’t that be slippery for those with claws as feet? Also, the security guards are raptors – makes sense.

21% in: The billionaire dinosaur wears a navy blue suit but no shoes.

32% in: “On the cover of GQ he was holding up a glass of scotch in his right claw.” No girly drinks for this alpha reptile. Bird. Whatever.

38% in: “’John. It’s me Oliver. I need you to come to the roof in five. Don’t bring anything with you.’ He said, hanging up right after.” The plot thickens!!! Is the roof where The Gaying happens???

43% in: John gets into Oliver’s private helicopter, heading to his beach house. DON’T DO IT, JOHN!!! Also, the helicopter pilot is a pterodactyl – why can’t they just ride the pterodactyl???

52% in: “[H]is deep voice was turning me on so much as he leaned closer to me. I had never been with a man before, let alone a male dinosaur!” I think we all know where this is heading.

55% in: “’How about I give you a tour of the place?’…’This is stunning!’ I said…’I agree’ Oliver said while staring at me…My breath began to quicken as he stepped closer, pulling me towards him with his claws. He reached around me and tore off my clothing, leaving me in just my briefs.” Shit, Oliver does NOT mess around.

60% in: “I knew now why my boss had taken me to his beach house.” Always ten steps behind. That’s SO John, amirite?

62% in: Wow, dinosaurs are rapey.

64% in: No. NO. NOOOOOOOOO. Seriously, there is NO WAY that would work.

68% in: EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EW, etc.

73% in: I need a shower. On the inside.

75% in: “I knew exactly what he was doing. He had hated humans all along, humiliating and embarrassing them one by one.” Oh, John. You poor, stupid, STUPID bastard.

77% in: “I began devising a plan, though, one day I would do to Mr. Anderson what he had done to me.” Considering what you both did from 55% through 73%, I think it’s probably okay to call him Oliver from now on. “I needed revenge. To Be Continued…” Yeah, I’ll pass…..

80% – 95% in: According to the appendices, “Hunter Fox” has also written:
Forced Gay by Aliens
Tentacles Made Me Gay
Forced Gay by the School Mascot
Yetti Forced Me Gay
Sphinx Turned Me Gay
Turned Gay by an Orc
T-Rex Forced Me Gay
Brachiosaurus Made Me Gay
Cyclops Forced Me Gay
Gay Cyclops GangBang
Turned Gay by Dinosaurs: Three Book Collection

FINAL THOUGHTS: Okay, so this…was John “forced gay” by the dinosaur? I mean, there was most definitely some dubcon and he was at least bi-curious and interspecies-curious, but does one encounter with a same-sex dinosaur “force” a guy to identify as gay from then on? Based on his oeuvre, I’m thinking that possibly the author came from a fundamentalist background causing some VERY confused feelings – and more than a little misinformation – about homosexuality.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “okay normally I wouldn’t do this BUT!!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s