authors

A little help please?

Hello to my Social Media type persons,

I need some authory type opinions… Anyone interested in helping me out? You don’t have to be an author, just have an opinion. 😀

Does this make sense?

Turi needed to buy some time and enough space between him and the shotgun so that he could grab Shiloh without getting his guts splattered across the floor in the process. He also needed to get a message to Vernon, it was time for a knock call. Knocks were a useful way of sending information to an unfamiliar mind with telepathy. It both identified you and conveyed a small amount of information without intruding.

And… would you say it’s an information dump? Like intrusively so? Any other suggestions on this bit of text?

Thank you all soo much!
~Kaw

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7 thoughts on “A little help please?”

  1. crap.. I accidentally deleted that comment. 😦 I thought I was typing a response but apparently not. And I didn’t know T meant trash to wordpress. 😦 I’m sorry. Thank you for responding.

    Like

  2. “…it was time for a knock call.” After that it starts sounding like a user manual. My suggestion would be to find a way to keep one of the characters in the explanation. Then again, it depends – is this going to stand alone on social media or is it part of something else I’m already invested in reading?

    Liked by 1 person

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