Revised “Knock call”

Okay ya’ll this is what I came up with. What do you think?

Turi needed to buy some time and enough space between him and the shotgun so that he could grab Shiloh without getting his guts splattered across the floor in the process. (still working on this) He also needed to get a message to Vernon, and that was going to be tricky.

It wasn’t easy to pierce the veil between worlds with telepathy, even when you were familiar with the person’s mind. It would be harder if you weren’t and damn near impossible to find a high-ranking mind like Vernon’s. Especially with the extra security measures that were likely assigned with his new title and importance. Only the simplest of messages would get through and this was was why they still used cell phones.

While Glen wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, he wasn’t stupid enough allow any phone calls to be made. Turi considered his other options. Direct telepathy was out, but before sending a telepathic message, it was customary to send a quick, surface, pulse or a knock. It was a simple way to avoid invading someone’s privacy when connecting; it also served to identify a “caller” and could include an emotion or short message. It was a rudimentary form of communication but it just might be able to get through.

“Bring him with us; Ron will want to talk to him.” Glen nodded and the man with the shotgun nudged Turi towards the stairs with the barrel. “What are you stupid or something? Dose him.”

It was a long shot, but Turi sent out the knock call just as the men opened fire, sending three darts into him. He knew that he couldn’t count on the message getting through and would likely have to figure out how to get them out of this without help.

20 thoughts on “Revised “Knock call””

  1. Violation of expectations. It was long enough, I was just settling in for a nice read, cares of the day slipping away, and BAM! “Oh yeah it’s just a page. damn”
    That’s pretty awesome, K

    to find a high-ranking official Vernon’s

    had to read this twice:
    have to figure out a way to get them out of this himself.

    I’ve read it four times and I still like it. Now I have to look at your books. I don’t have time for a binge dammit. You are so, gonna pay. I don’t suppose you’re on KU?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. the full version is on Kindle yes.. probably on KU… but it’s being heavily edited.
      I might be willing to send what I have edited so far to you… if you’ll point out things like you just did for me 😛
      It’s paranormal romance… but it’s got kidnapping, murder and mystery, magic, other worlds.. sciencey stuff.
      Trying to make it so that anyone can read and enjoy.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. This is a complete book… but will be a series.. a straight up sci-fi series with an occasional paranormal romance branch off. Trying to capitalize on both markets.. but each will be stand alone, and complete. No cliffhanger gimmicks to string people along.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. they are… but I didn’t have beta readers or anything like that. People have pointed out errors and whatnot. I’ve been rewriting since I got some feedback but I’m sick of looking at it.

        My grammar isn’t the best and I’m running the book through a new grammar program. I want it to be as perfect as I can get it and then try to submit to a traditional house or branch out of the “Zon” into Nook, and other esellers. I also want to have them as perfect as I can get before putting them on Createspace and getting print books.

        Just trying to make it the best before an official book launch.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. OK. Well I’m very good at spotting typos the first time through. I can’t see them on reread, though. Anything you want me to look at you should give me a writable copy and I’ll stick an asterisk in whenever I see one.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Okay. My wordpress email doesn’t seem to be working, actually several don’t.
        Well I know this one does.
        eccv dot epaken at gmail
        I have such bad luck with emails. Providers went under twice in the last 4 years.


  2. Much better. 🙂 I find the “way things work” is always more interesting in a story if there’s a character “making them work,” know what I mean? Apart from a few grammar issues, I’d say it’s good to go. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. First sentence is run-on.
        First sentence, second paragraph, *…telepathy (comma) even…*
        Sentence with *.. high-ranking official Vernon’s.* has already been pointed out.
        First sentence third paragraph *…he wasn’t stupid enough to let him make…* who is “he” and who is “him”?
        *…it was customary to send a quick, surface, pulse or a “knock (period inside quotes, not outside.)” Also, the commas used this way are in place of “or”s. I don’t know enough about the story to know if you mean “a quick surface pulse” or you actually mean to say *… customary to send a quick or surface or pulse or a “knock.” *
        Last paragraph *…the men opened fire (comma) sending three darts…*
        And again, the last sentence as been pointed out in another comment.
        Hope this helps. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’ll work on the first sentence,
        Fixed the comma, fixed Vernon,

        (Glen from beginning of sentence) he isn’t stupid enough to let him (Turi) make a phone call.. Not sure how to work that..

        Pulse on the surface of the mind, before delving in..

        Fixed the period outside the commas, fixed the one after darts… and the last sentence.

        Thank you for the help. 😀 I haven’t run this part through the grammar checker yet. 😛 I wanted to get the wording the way I want first. When I finish the chapter, I run it through grammarly.

        I have grammar issues for sure. That’s why I needz beta-readers.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. okay I updated the post… I bolded the changes.. but I’m still working on the first sentence. How’s it looking now?
    Again, Thank you all soooo very much for helping me! Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.



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