Things that happen at my house

Another update: photos

This is my hubby when he arrived in China, May 22nd. 

dave in china

This is my hubby June 13th, 3 days before he died.

dave doesnt feel good










Something happened over there. I don’t know what…What I do know is that it’s been 4 weeks, and I am STILL trying to get my husband’s body back from China. I know part of the delay was us deciding on cremation or trying to get his body home so we could see him one last time, but that decision was made that weekend after talking to a funeral home.

I was told that it would be 4 days if I had him cremated, and 2-6 weeks if I wanted him back whole. A funeral home assured me that I wouldn’t want an open casket after the best case scenario of 2 weeks much less 6 weeks.

After being told it would only be 4 days… and it taking 3 times that long and I still don’t even have a cremation date or a shipping date on him I can only imagine the nightmare it would be and how long it would be if I’d just had him shipped whole. I imagine I’d get him back sometime next freaking year.

I’ve done everything they’ve asked and more. I am still waiting. I do not have a death certificate. I cannot apply for benefits, and even if I could they say I’m too young to get anything anyway. I cannot find a job until I get my husband back and make the trip to Maryland in order to set up a funeral and then get back home. I have no money coming in in the meantime. I have to make decisions, like do I stay here with no family around? Do I move back to where my family is? There are no jobs there…. I’ve been offered one with hubby’s company and friends and family say they can get me jobs.

They originally said it was a brain aneurysm, now they say they don’t know but they think it was natural causes and no foul play was suspected. I do not have the money to do an autopsy, I do cannot wait another 6 weeks for the autopsy and then the shipping to be done. They couldn’t tell me where his belongings were… until recently and now they say some of the things I KNOW are supposed to be there are not there.

There is no life insurance through the company and I’m not sure of where I go from here. My lease on my house is up in August, and I don’t know if they’ll renew the lease or if I’ll be given no choice but to move. I can’t afford this place on my own, but I love it here, I was happy here.

I hate everything right now. I’m afraid to sleep… sometimes I’m afraid I won’t wake up either. He was so healthy and in great shape. I’m soooo not. He ate right… I don’t. There’s a pit in my stomach that won’t go away, I can’t listen to the radio without bawling like a baby. I’m jealous of the couples I see… I am being sharp with people I care about. I feel like a burden to them. I’m struggling here. Floundering.

I can’t be a full time writer anymore. Selfish I know, but it’s just one of many dreams that died that day. My dream of him as a grandfather… of going on cruises together, traveling and getting to see him be able to have fun instead of working and stressed out all the time. I looked forward to his retirement more than he did.

I actually lost him 10 weeks ago… he was working and traveling the previous 6 weeks and now another 4 to get him home. He was traveling for Mother’s day, and passed before Father’s day. Lives aren’t made up of first’s… they are made up of lasts.

The last time I saw him, the last time we spoke, the last time we went out on date night. How different they would have been had we known. It isn’t fair!

24 thoughts on “Another update: photos”

  1. This isn’t fair, Kawanee; you are right in saying that. I know of a family who went through a similar situation to yours. A close relative set up a “gofundme” page for the family, and the money that was raised got them through the difficult times. There are a lot of people out there who have far more than they need just looking for people to help. I NEVER give suggestions like this, but I was amazed at the outpouring of support.

    Hang in there. You are not alone.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Why isn’t his company working with you? If there is no death certificate than they should be sending you his pay. Have you called the American embassy where he is, or the main office here in the U.S.? Has his company called the embassy in China? Call Social Services and explain what is going on, just because you don’t have a death certificate for your husband doesn’t mean you are not eligible for emergency help. Have a relative set up a gofundme page for you. Someone has got to help you, please don’t give up. I continue to pray for you and the family. I will look for your posts, and pray you get some help.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Keep calling them, constantly two three times a day. You can also call Social Services, they should be able to help you until you can get back on your feet, financially. Lord knows you have been blindsided by all of this. Would your Land Lord extend your lease until you can sort things out? Ask, people will usually try and help in any way they can. Don’t feel funny about asking for help, or sharing your gofundme page. Post it here and we will all share it.
    Under the circumstances I would think your lease would be extended, people can not be that cruel, and if they won’t, don’t get out, stay, they will have to take you to court, and when the judge hears your side, I am sure he will make them give you more time. Hopefully they will do that any way. In any case it will take them at least three months to evict you, but I can not believe any one would do that to you now.
    There are no words that I or any one can say to make you feel better. But, we can be here for you if need be.
    I am so sorry you are having to go through this nightmare. Sending hugs (((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))), keep updating us, and post your gofundme here,

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Grieving is such a painful process, Kewanee, and to be grieving while dealing with all the hurdles you’re facing is almost unbearable. Please take advantage of every single offer of help and support you’ve received, and ask for it from friends and family if it hasn’t already been offered. Often, people are willing to help, but they just don’t know how. If you have a friend or two who can organize everyone else, all the better. You need support while you go through this nightmare, so ask for it. I know it seems impossible now, but you will get through this. My thoughts are with you. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I agree with all these comments, Kawanee. Don’t feel ashamed to ask for and/or accept help. You won’t be the first or last to do so. It’s your right. I’m glad to see his company is helping. They should. It sounds as though you have relatives who really care. Consider the job offers seriously. You can always get back to writing more in time. I must say I’m not surprised some of your husband’s belongings were taken. Items are stolen out of bags of people flying all the time. Travelers are also told not to leave anything valuable in hotel rooms. I’ll also keep you in my prayers. ❤ — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  6. oh, sweetheart, I wish I lived closer and I could help more. This is not fair on you and your family, is there someone in the family or friends who knows a politician or congressman who might help bring you closure? I am here if you want to rant or rave because you need to. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you, I appreciate any support I can get right now. The blog is helping me vent.

      I got a call this morning. His belongings should arrive today to tomorrow.

      Hubby’s ashes should be shipped Saturday, they supposed to arrive 2 or 3 days later. So monday or Tuesday.

      The next few days will be hard. I want these things to happen and yet.. I dread it too.

      Looks like I can start planning the funeral and travel arrangements.


  7. Apalling with this red tape in such a horrible time for you and your loss without the bullshit. I hope his company is pushing the red tape, and at the very least getting a doctor’s certificate for proof of death. I am mortified to read all this and prayers are with you. 😦 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you. Things are slowly getting done. I am not sure if it is always this way when someone passes overseas or if it’s just me going through it and if it’s just me…

      Why? What purpose does it serve? What am I supposed to do with it? What am I supposed to learn from it?

      I’m full of why’s right now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Of course you are! And only when some time passes and you can put things in perspective when your head isn’t overburdened from your heart, you will find your answers. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      2. There are no answers. Things happen, sh** happens, all the time. Sometimes really BAD things happen and there is no reason. It is not satisfying, I know. But this is life. Death is part of it, even if we try our best to ignore it. And death comes with a lot of red tape, a lot of costs, some time consuming activities – and that sudden gap in your life.

        I cannot give you a recipe how to deal with your grief – you alone will find out what helps you to go on. I cannot give you advice on how to deal with Chinese authorities – or your own. I never had to do any of this. I can offer you my sincere condolescences. That will not help you, the situation is beyond comfort from a stranger.

        But I can end my comment with a plea. Do not punish yourself for this gap. Do not give up writing. Reduce writing time, as you have to make a living now. Take a break until after the funeral. Even take a break until after you have decided how to get on with life without the person you wanted to share it with until the end – an end that came much to soon. But do not punish yourself by giving up writing altogether. Most authors cannot live from their writing anyway, so most authors do work full time and write in their spare time. And still they manage to produce some really readable things. You are not forced to give up the dream of being a writer.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for the advice and the support.

        I appreciate it. Right now, I’m considering writing a book about this experience. The struggle to get him home, the red tape, the nightmare of the continuing BS I’m dealing with.

        If it helps someone else, and they don’t have to go through with this kind of rig-a-marole. It’ll be worth it.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you. Not sure I have a few weeks, time and money is running out. I HAVE to find a job before rent is due again or I have to move when my lease is up the end of August.

      I’m hanging in there… by my fingernails at times, but hanging on.


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