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My own place…

Well, we got our new home, Yippee for not sleeping on mom’s couch anymore! Still working on getting moved in, the move was going great until…. one of my fingers suffered a blowout.

I slammed my fingers in the liftgate on my SUV. X-rays say nothing is broken, but top of one finger is kinda mangled where the blood was forced out of the tip. It’s still bleeding after a couple of days and it hurts like a __________! Will likely end up losing the fingernail.

I’ll post pics as soon as I can.Β (of the new house and the fingers)

While moving we found a stray kitten, sooooo I now have a pet. πŸ™‚ I thought moving into a new place would be emotional for me, but it was okay until I had to move hubby’s dresser and saw all his clothes that I wasn’t ready to deal with and pack away. The dresser still has a hint of his cologne and it’s hard to see them knowing they’ll never be on the floor next to the clothes hamper instead of in it like he used to do. I used to roll my eyes when I came in to see them like that…

I’m holding it together by keeping busy, trying not to be a pain in the butt to my relatives. Doing what I can on my own… People tell me I’m doing great.. but I know I’m not really. I have bouts where I want to scream and punch walls, rail at the world, destroy things. I’m angry and sad, a little scared, I miss the big goofy lug, but trying to hold it together. I also just want to stay in bed and ignore everything… just cry and not have to worry about upsetting anyone else..

But crying causes headaches…and I get little moments where sad leaks out. Last night it was at the drive thru at Taco Bell, and just after I turned the lights off for the night.

We are settling in, I hope to start training for a new job on the 17th, one with benefits and bonuses. Not as much money as I’m used to earning but the cost of living here is cheaper, now I’ve got to get my son back on his schooling and on track. He’ll need a job too, if were going to make it.

I’ll be back to posting helpful bits and more regular when I get the house set up.

~Kaw

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15 thoughts on “My own place…”

  1. Happy to see you have a place and a job. You are on your way. It would not be normal if you didn’t have sad/angry/frustrated moments. Thanks for keeping us up to date as we think of you often. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kawanee, This might the last post for a while as Matthew bears down our throats. I live in Deerfield Beach Fl. To make matters worse I have been sick as a dog for a couple of days, a bad virus. My daughter and Mike my husband filled up our cars with gas, and have taken some cash out of the bank and gotten some water. I am glad to hear that you have settled in and are unpacking.
    The sad will come through and that’s normal. Let it come, it is going to take time to get through the heart ache.
    I hope and will continue to pray for you and your son. Hang on to each other.
    I will post again when we get our electric back and hope we do not have to evacuate or lose everything.
    Until then I wish you peace and continue to pray for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Be safe! I’m praying for you and sending positive energy. During ice storms, I decided to always keep a grill around.. that way I can still cook without power and my food doesn’t go to waste.

      Hope to see you back online soon!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Swift recovery for your finger, it does sound so painful. You`ve got a new house and a new job to train for, it`s going to be full steam ahead for you. I hope you settle in your new home the kitten will help. Please don`t think you can`t still grieve it`s part of life too. Love n hugs from Scotland. A very cold Scotland.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kawanee, you are amazing! Of course it won’t always be plain sailing, and those moments of memories and tears will strike you in the most unlikely places, but just remember that they are completely normal and natural, especially considering all the additional upheaval you have gone through with having to move, new job, new school and squashed fingers. (As if you didn’t have enough to deal with, you have squashed fingers as well!) I’m so glad you have a kitten – having an animal around always helps with stress levels, and the love they give you is unconditional and precious. Wishing you all the best in your new place, and good luck with the new job!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So glad you are in your own place again. Spend time stroking your kitten. It’s very therapeutic they say. I know it will take you quite some time to get over your loss, but allow yourself to cry. There’s no shame in tears. I hope your fingers get better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. For the short time it’s really been, I think you’re doing great, Kawanee. You’ve accomplished so much during that time. I know it must be hard. It was hard for me to go through my dad’s dresser after he died. I felt like I was snooping. Give those clothes away ASAP to the poor where you won’t see them again. It’s your decision, but that’s what I did. I’ll continue praying for you. ❀ — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  7. So glad that the world is straightening out a bit, Kawanee. Grief is an up and down journey as you will be triggered by all kinds of things (like the dresser). Just be gentle with yourself. You will heal and the scars will fade even if they never disappear. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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