Okay, soooo today definitely went into the bad day column. I’m training in class and we were going through call scenarios and what we might deal with and how to deal with it if it came up.
The scenario was someone calling about their mother’s account because she (you guessed it!) passed away.
The exercise was to show sympathy but also stick with company policy and blah blah… I told my partner in the exercise that I couldn’t do it and I ended up walking out of the class. I mean to go to the women’s bathroom and compose myself but it didn’t happen.
I found my best childhood friend who got my foot in the door (basically got me the job) and I broke down at her desk. I mean hands shaking, crying… break down. I’m not even sure if I spoke complete sentences.. maybe I did, maybe I answered her when she asked what was wrong. I’m just not sure. She sent the instructor and my team leader an IM asking him to come see us and explained the situation. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know if I would have been able to compose myself at all. She was so professional and yet compassionate… She’s really great, I dunno what I would have done if she hadn’t been there. And she’s got her own situation she’s going through too. *hugs and prayers to and for her*
Anyway I do not know exactly why it struck me so hard, but it did and it struck hard. I need this job, I need to be able to handle these calls and I’m afraid they’ll think I can’t do the job. I know I can… if I had a call like that, I’d ask the person to hold… try to compose myself and then get back to the call. If I couldn’t compose myself I’d let my supervisor know I needed a moment and ask if I could transfer the call to another agent.
It’s weird how things will just come out of the blue like a lightening strike and set off an emotional response. I mean crying is one thing… the hand shaking and inability to get myself under control isn’t a good thing at all. I don’t know if it was a panic attack, or what… I didn’t panic, but everything just suddenly hit me. It wasn’t just about losing hubby, it was EVERYTHING… feeling behind on the exercises, the job, the house, the hurt fingers and the leg still hurting, the move, my son’s first birthday without his dad, the inability to really do a whole bunch for his birthday, the worry, bills coming due and just everything.
I feel alone, usually I’d come home and share with hubby the excitement and stress of learning a whole new industry and the new people I’ve met and everything. My son tries, but it’s not the same. I want to throw things and cry and tear things up…
I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know what THEY are going to say… or do. I mean he was very understanding… but still. UGH!!!!
Stressed out and on the edge.