Bad day… what was THAT?!

Okay, soooo today definitely went into the bad day column. I’m training in class and we were going through call scenarios and what we might deal with and how to deal with it if it came up.

The scenario was someone calling about their mother’s account because she (you guessed it!) passed away.

The exercise was to show sympathy but also stick with company policy and blah blah… I told my partner in the exercise that I couldn’t do it and I ended up walking out of the class. I mean to go to the women’s bathroom and compose myself but it didn’t happen.

I found my best childhood friend who got my foot in the door (basically got me the job) and I broke down at her desk. I mean hands shaking, crying… break down. I’m not even sure if I spoke complete sentences.. maybe I did, maybe I answered her when she asked what was wrong. I’m just not sure. She sent the instructor and my team leader an IM asking him to come see us and explained the situation. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know if I would have been able to compose myself at all. She was so professional and yet compassionate… She’s really great, I dunno what I would have done if she hadn’t been there. And she’s got her own situation she’s going through too. *hugs and prayers to and for her*

Anyway I do not know exactly why it struck me so hard, but it did and it struck hard. I need this job, I need to be able to handle these calls and I’m afraid they’ll think I can’t do the job. I know I can… if I had a call like that, I’d ask the person to hold… try to compose myself and then get back to the call. If I couldn’t compose myself I’d let my supervisor know I needed a moment and ask if I could transfer the call to another agent.

It’s weird how things will just come out of the blue like a lightening strike and set off an emotional response. I mean crying is one thing… the hand shaking and inability to get myself under control isn’t a good thing at all. I don’t know if it was a panic attack, or what… I didn’t panic, but everything just suddenly hit me. It wasn’t just about losing hubby, it was EVERYTHING… feeling behind on the exercises, the job, the house, the hurt fingers and the leg still hurting, the move, my son’s first birthday without his dad, the inability to really do a whole bunch for his birthday, the worry, bills coming due and just everything.

I feel alone, usually I’d come home and share with hubby the excitement and stress of learning a whole new industry and the new people I’ve met and everything. My son tries, but it’s not the same. I want to throw things and cry and tear things up…

I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know what THEY are going to say… or do. I mean he was very understanding… but still. UGH!!!!

Stressed out and on the edge.


12 thoughts on “Bad day… what was THAT?!”

  1. You’ve probably just bottled up more than you realized. Things have happened fast and steadily. Your life has changed a good bit and you’re probably just now catching up. You’ll adjust. If your boss has any empathy, he should realize this is a problem for you to overcome and you’re doing your best. I hope all turns out well for you. Talking to someone about it is good. I’ll continue praying for you. ❤ — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reality is setting in. You had so much on your plate to deal with. It is overflow. It will happen. There are no words I can say to make it easier. I will pray that your supervisors will understand and give you space to breathe. It has to and will come out. I hope you don’t get too many of those calls. Did you try screaming into a pillow? That was one of the things that helped me when I lost my twin girls. I hope you find a way to decompress at home. I know you can do it Kawanee. You need to take it one day at a time. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry you had to go through that, that must’ve been awful, *hug* Thank you.

      I haven’t tried screaming into a pillow, haven’t had a chance. Not sure how that would go. I’m not entirely sure if I’d stop once I got started.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh you’ll stop, I can guarantee it because you will be exhausted. It helped me get rid of some of the hurt and hate that had built up in me. I did it quite a few times along with a good cry afterward. To be honest I also cursed quite a bit into that pillow. I rarely use fowl language and have no idea where those words came from. However it was almost like letting the air out of a balloon that was ready to pop. I realize we are all different as are our situations. It takes time and that is different for all of us as well. Bless you and your loving son.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. That must have been an awful shock for you in the class, but since then you have also decided how you would handle such a call if it actually came through to you, so now you have a plan to follow, and that’s good. There will always be times when you feel as if you’ve let everything get on top of you, but you will realize that it’s completely natural to have these sudden moments of not coping.

    A month or so after my mother died I went to get a repeat prescription for my asthma medication from my doctor, and while reading a magazine in the waiting room I saw an interesting article I knew my mother would have enjoyed. Even as I was thinking about how I would tell her about the article, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I would never be able to have that conversation with her. By the time I was called into the Doc’s office I was in floods of tears, almost hysterical, unable to articulate properly. He calmed me down and I managed to explain why I was crying. He told me he had a similar experience after his father died, and it’s important to remember that this reaction is perfectly natural.

    Anyone who has ever lost a loved one will understand it completely. And you will likewise be just as sympathetic as your friend was, to anyone who phones into your company with the same situation and gets you on the other end of the phone.

    I wish you all the best in your new job. Take things one step at a time, keep breathing deeply, and know that many friends around the world are still praying for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you for that, I almost cried reading this. I’m sorry, I go through that a lot lately too. Sharing my job and the new people I’m meeting right now would have been so much fun to tell hubby about.

      I’m missing him a lot right now. It makes me mad that he’s not here, especially when I know that it could have been prevented and that the company doesn’t even care about me or him.

      It’s disgusting! Even as a new hire at this new company I have life insurance after 31 days.. and I’m just a peon for now.


  4. I hope he will be understanding at what you have just gone through and are still going through. Thank Goddess for your friend who was there. It is the slightest things that make us remember and although it doesn`t feel like it at the moment, it`s part of the healing process. Kawnee, it’s a long road but there are pit stops along it where you can sit and take stock. Huge hugs from Scotland. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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