PSA from your phone insurance carrier:

Dear random user of varied cell phone and such devices,

I am here for you, I feel bad for your situation and believe me I REALLY REALLY want to help you with your phone situation and get you back to connecting to your Words-With-Friends, Pokemon Go, and your favorite pastime of taking selfies and talking bad about the person you hate who may also be your best friend. Nothing would make me happier.

I cannot help that your kid is a clutz, or irresponsible, or that some jackwagon low-life stole your phone. I am here to take your call, sympathize, file your claim and then get a new device out to you as soon as possible.

BUT as the person taking your call I have a list of Do’s and Don’ts for you.

DON’T go on and on for 45 minutes about your conspiracy theory about your particular phone’s issue.

I’m sorry: I understand life sucks for you and that your particular phone and service provider sucks the most gigantic of all the monkey nuts in the known universe. I sympathize, I really do. But I cannot do anything about your carrier, I cannot do anything about the suckiness of your phone.

DO: Focus on your issue and the phone claim service!

I’m sorry that you have a screaming baby on your hip or are in the middle of homeschooling your precious little Bobby or Susie. I do not know when you are talking to me or to your child.

DO NOT: put me on a speaker phone and then call from a noisy locale like say… maybe an airport terminal. Every time the intercom or someone does something noisy in the background, it cuts your phone out and I think you are about to say something and I have to stop what I am doing to acknowledge it.

DO: Please try to keep the insults to my family lineage, and to my IQ to a minimum.

DO: Remember that I am human, who also has a cell phone so I do indeed understand it sucks having a broken phone.

DON’T: Keep going on and on about your broken phone or horrible service provider and their lineage. I am supposed to  yield to you when you interrupt me as I go through the claim process and then I’m supposed to listen to you patiently.  I am not supposed to interrupt you. Ever. Even if you’re going on and on about your favorite TV show, or how much your phone sucks, or how much I personally suck, or how long your hold time was.

DON’T: Blame me for the length of time the phone call is taking when you go off on a 30 minute rant about the cell phone companies and how the cell phone radiation is causing a spike in cancer. I must listen patiently and offer my sincere sympathy about your current situation, and I am most likely waiting to hear the information I’ve asked for.

DO: Remember that behind you, there is a line of people just dying for their chance at chewing my butt and giving me a piece of their mind because I am the worst thing in the world. Everything that has happened to your phone is my fault.

DO remember that I do not currently have a teleporting device. Until I get one, I have to use Fed-Ex and that may take a day or two to get there.

I apologize for my lack of teleporting capabilities.

DO take care of your phone,and be careful with your phone.

DO NOT throw your phone.
DO NOT use it as a marital aid.
This is what’s called intentional damage to the phone, it is NOT covered under any warranty or insurance, anywhere.

DO NOT ask me to send you a better phone than the one you are filing a claim on. If you want an upgrade, you must go to your local provider and buy it.

DO NOT call in a claim on a Verizon device on AT&T’s insurance company, or AT&T for a claim on a Sprint. To my knowledge none of these carriers covers another company’s devices, should that change I am sure there will be a public announcement.

~Kaw

Also, I never knew that answering a phone could be so exhausting. By the time my break rolled around, I couldn’t even look at my phone when I walked away from my cubicle. When I came back, I didn’t want to put that headset back on.

By lunch, I was ready to go home. I just wanted to put my head on a desk or hide under it. You people are exhausting! Thank you and I do hope that I never have to speak to you in person.

 

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Published by: Kawanee Hamilton

Kawanee was born in Alexandria Louisiana but her first real memories are of Russellville Arkansas. She's always loved to read, and has always had an vivid imagination. She grew up in a house where almost everyone read, they didn't need a TV although she could still be found planted on her butt in front of her grandma's TV watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. She made up her first story with her mother when her cat died; it was about where pets go when they die. She continued to create stories from bad dreams she had and her dad would help her change nightmares to stories. They would sit up in a chair until the scary went away. He told her that: "Dreams, good or bad, are just stories your mind makes up. You are the author of your dreams; if you don't like them rewrite them. " She was hooked and has continued to read and write stories drawing from dreams, sights and just pure imagination. She just recently decided she'd like to try and get published and fail than wonder what if. Her story continues but where it goes from here is up to you, the Reader... She hopes you'll join her in finding out where her journey goes from here!

Categories authors9 Comments

9 thoughts on “PSA from your phone insurance carrier:”

  1. Being a customer service rep. is daunting. I started working for AT&T in 1959. Worked at customer service for many years. It can be a tough job in the best of circumstances, in your situation it can overwhelm. There are phrases that you can use to keep the conversation on track. Eventually you will learn them but it takes time and training. Ask for help if possible and before you know it you will be zipping through the calls.
    I keep you and your son in my daily thoughts and if I can be of any help just let me know. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. thank you, prayers and thoughts are exactly what we need right now. That and some corporate & bureaucrats to get their heads out of their butts… 😉

      I asked my boss to sit with me and make sure I was doing everything right. I already know I wasn’t doing one thing right and by fixing that, my call times should go down. I hope i feel better after today.

      Right now I feel like, I need adult supervision lol. Like are you SURE you should be trusting me with this?

      Like

    1. LOL… its called… I need food and a roof over my head, and your little priviledge Iphone using self with your attitude isn’t worth losing my job over.

      My mantra to get through a trying call?

      I like having food… I like having a roof, I like having lights, water, internets…. I like food…

      😉

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. Strength and blessings to you. I hope your post will be a reminder to anyone who think’s it’s ok to yell at someone who is not allowed to say what they are really thinking…

    Like

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