How I feel today:

Hubby was my stereo, and someone stole him. Now I sit in silence, with too much time to think….

Car Radio
 by 21 pilots

I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire, exhale desire
I know it’s dire my time today

I have these thoughts, so often I ought
To replace that slot with what I once bought
‘Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence

Sometimes quiet is violent
I find it hard to hide it
My pride is no longer inside
It’s on my sleeve
My skin will scream reminding me of
Who I killed inside my dream
I hate this car that I’m driving
There’s no hiding for me
I’m forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real
I could pull the steering wheel

I have these thoughts, so often I ought
To replace that slot with what I once bought
‘Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence

I ponder of something terrifying
‘Cause this time there’s no sound to hide behind
I find over the course of our human existence
One thing consists of consistence
And it’s that we’re all battling fear
Oh dear, I don’t know if we know why we’re here
Oh my, too deep, please stop thinking
I liked it better when my car had sound

There are things we can do
But from the things that work there are only two
And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win and fear will lose
It is faith and there’s sleep
We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake
And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive
And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying
To let you know you need to try to think

I have these thoughts, so often I ought
To replace that slot with what I once bought
‘Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence

And now I just sit in silence
And now I just sit
And now I just sit in silence
And now I just sit in silence
And now I just sit in silence
And now I just sit

I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire, exhale desire
I know it’s dire my time today

I have these thoughts, so often I ought
To replace that slot with what I once bought
‘Cause somebody stole my car radio
And now I just sit in silence

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Published by: Kawanee Hamilton

Kawanee was born in Alexandria Louisiana but her first real memories are of Russellville Arkansas. She's always loved to read, and has always had an vivid imagination. She grew up in a house where almost everyone read, they didn't need a TV although she could still be found planted on her butt in front of her grandma's TV watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. She made up her first story with her mother when her cat died; it was about where pets go when they die. She continued to create stories from bad dreams she had and her dad would help her change nightmares to stories. They would sit up in a chair until the scary went away. He told her that: "Dreams, good or bad, are just stories your mind makes up. You are the author of your dreams; if you don't like them rewrite them. " She was hooked and has continued to read and write stories drawing from dreams, sights and just pure imagination. She just recently decided she'd like to try and get published and fail than wonder what if. Her story continues but where it goes from here is up to you, the Reader... She hopes you'll join her in finding out where her journey goes from here!

Categories authors16 Comments

16 thoughts on “How I feel today:”

    1. It’s a song, by 21 pilots… I found them and I was exploring their music and found that and it just struck a chord.

      thank you for the kind words… so far I’m driving, no pulling the wheel. I do understand that feeling though, sometimes it feels like I’m just done with everything.

      I’m in pain, both physical and emotional. I’m stressed, I’m scared, I’m angry…. I’m lonely. Etc.. and I sometimes I wonder: what’s the point of all this? And tomorrow is more of the same.. and there’s just…

      Too much..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry, wish I could come up with some comforting wise words but I can’t, no one can. The only thing I can offer are my ears, my eyes to read your words and a shoulder, even though it is an old shoulder it is still pretty sturdy. I will be here no matter how long it takes, and I continue to pray for both of you. ♥♥

        Liked by 1 person

    1. lol.. just like music, Hubby was a source of distraction, comfort, love, laughter and tears.

      He passed away in June, with him gone… I’m left to worry, ponder the meaning of life… the future, just so many things and fear and struggle. What to do, and when..

      I stare at the empty space he left behind… I dunno, it just struck a chord with me (no pun intended)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I don’t know which is worse,,I had no children due to not trusting myself or my partners and never even attended a wedding much less had one …but I have lost people even while trying to stay independent …I hope that empty space fades to fond memories

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Sometimes I start to think of my troubles (my husband is almost 86 and fading slowly away on a couch in the living room with a hip he broke two years ago (he didn’t want an operation). I’m 75 and can’t walk without a walker and pain. My husband is also bi-polar (I didn’t know what that was when we married) and has called me terrible names, stole money from my purse, brought other mentally ill people I didn’t know home with him, etc. Our two beautiful children live far away in the U.S. but they make it all worthwhile. Also, on TV news I see people being bombed to death and starving without food and water and hear some are being used as human shields. Here in Pune, India some live under plastic sheets and use the street as a toilet. Some sort barefooted through garbage and trash for barely enough to eat. I thank God I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I know you miss your husband which is only natural. I can tell you after all my years the pain lessons in time even though you can’t imagine it. You have a wonderful son, a gift your husband left with you, so he didn’t leave you alone. Just hold on and I’ll continue praying for you and your son. ❤ — Suzanne

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My father died when I was only 3years old. My parents had only been married for 10 years when he died. I don’t think my mother ever stopped loving him even though she remarried and had another child by her second husband. But she was a cheerful and happy person in spite of this earlier tragedy.

    She said she went to the churchyard where he was buried and felt she wanted to dig him up with her bare hands. The rector saw her, and told her ‘Go home, Mrs Hughes. He’s not here. If he’s anywhere, he’s at your home with you and your little girl.’ Try to remember that. Your hubby is not in that urn, but with you and your son.

    My mother also me that when my grandfather died, my grandmother took her in her arms and said, ‘I never knew, dear, I never knew.’ I think no one can know the pain of losing your life mate unless they’ve gone through it themselves.

    But my mother showed that in time the pain fades. She said she looked at me and saw something of my father. I was what he’d left her to remember him by. Think of your son like that. He’s part of your hubby.

    You will be able to live again, although I know you don’t believe me right now. You will laugh again, enjoy going out with friends, perhaps even love again. Just hang on in there.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. These words sum up the loss, the great empty echo which comes when a loved one isn’t there any more. Kawnee I’m sending you a huge hug sweetheart a healing hug. When it gets too much think of the picture in your mind and know that you can get some strength from it to put one foot in front of the other and keep going.

    Liked by 1 person

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