Not doing so great… :(

I don’t even know what’s setting me off right now. It started last saturday, just couldn’t hang out with my aunts at the karaoke night, crying at an event like that is kind of a bummer. It’s continued all week. Crying myself to sleep… random times I’m fighting not to cry over nothing.

Broke down yesterday on the phone with someone filing a claim, then about 3 times today at work. Once on the phone… the other just talking with people.

My Blood pressure is up, the doctor now reversed what they said to do for my leg. No more wrapping it… still on aspirin though. They referred me to someone else… the check engine light came on in my car. Work isn’t going well, I’m on a write up for my handle time. I have struggled with it and I’ve brought the call time down by another 20 seconds, but I’m being told it’s not enough. At the end of the month, they can write me up a second time, OR extend my current “plan”. If she writes it up as a new offense, then I am ineligible for any bonuses even if I earn them AND it can go towards letting me go.  IF she extends it, then I CAN earn them…. and it gives me another chance before taking that extra step.

I’m stressed out… People are telling me that this woman has it out for me, that she CAN extend it…. but won’t. What makes it worse, is I like this person… as a person. I think we’d be friends outside of work, but maybe I’m an idiot…

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Published by: Kawanee Hamilton

Kawanee was born in Alexandria Louisiana but her first real memories are of Russellville Arkansas. She's always loved to read, and has always had an vivid imagination. She grew up in a house where almost everyone read, they didn't need a TV although she could still be found planted on her butt in front of her grandma's TV watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. She made up her first story with her mother when her cat died; it was about where pets go when they die. She continued to create stories from bad dreams she had and her dad would help her change nightmares to stories. They would sit up in a chair until the scary went away. He told her that: "Dreams, good or bad, are just stories your mind makes up. You are the author of your dreams; if you don't like them rewrite them. " She was hooked and has continued to read and write stories drawing from dreams, sights and just pure imagination. She just recently decided she'd like to try and get published and fail than wonder what if. Her story continues but where it goes from here is up to you, the Reader... She hopes you'll join her in finding out where her journey goes from here!

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14 thoughts on “Not doing so great… :(”

  1. So sorry Kawanee. Look around for a Wound Care Center they work wonders. Your tears are part of the grieving process. You have had so much thrown at you in such a short time I am not surprised. I hope and pray your burden is made lighter or you gain the strength to keep moving forward. Maybe you should talk to someone that will be able to help you. Your mom or maybe you pastor or someone at your place of worship. They usually have groups that you can attend at no cost. It sounds like you need someone to lean on. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When you reach a level of stress that starts squeezing itself out of your body in injury and tears, it might be time for reevaluation. I agree with other’s advice, you may need someone to talk to–if you aren’t already. Failing all else, shouting into the void of the internet does give you a sounding board…you just may not like all the strangers offering up unsolicited advice (like the kind I’m offering.) Be well and remember to breathe.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are NOT an idiot. I still say you should talk to someone about getting transfered. Work under a different coach. I think it will be a lot better for you in the long run. In the meantime, I love you. You can do this!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kawanee, you need to find a Grief Therapist or a Grief Group you can share with. Your local hospital or doctor should be able to recommend some place that will help you. I really think it is time for you to get professional advice on learning ways to cope. Too much has happened it the past year for you to be able to deal with it yourself. What about parents of siblings? Are any of them close enough to be helpful and supportive? Finding a good support system will make things easier to deal with, and joining a Grief Group lets you know you are not alone.

    Please find the resources and help you need to survive. Don’t wait–do it NOW!

    Margot

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Kawanee, I used to be the CIO of a wound care management company. They have facilities all over the United States and the UK. Just find the one nearest to you from their website, http://www.healogics.com. I have seen them save the legs of patients where their doctors had indicated amputation. They do some miraculous things.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This job is stressing you out more than you know, the constant pressure to keep up with call times and such it’s no good for you but I know that you need the money, I pray that something else can be just round the corner, I really do. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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