authors, Randomness, Things that happen at my house

Panic Attack…

Soo, I’ve never had a full blown Anxiety/Panic attack until this afternoon. I suddenly couldn’t breathe, my chest was tight, I couldn’t swallow, the room got dark around the edges. I felt cold and flushed and hot and tingly, my hands were shaking… it freaking HURT.

I didn’t want my son or anyone else to touch me, I thought I was going to be sick and pass out. I honestly thought I was having a heart attack or something. I NEVER want to do that again.

Jesus frickin’ christ, we called for an ambulance. I honestly thought I was going to die.

10 thoughts on “Panic Attack…”

  1. Kawanee, if you are having all these emotional problems after a year, you really do need some serious help from a professional in the area of grief. I sometimes wonder about your son, and how he is managing? Seeing you like this a lot of the time must be difficult for him, along with his own sadness and grief. Do you know how well he is coping with the loss of his dad? He won’t want to share with you if he sees you upset all the time.

    I have answered some of your posts in the past, but I have no idea if you read them or the others I find here. Ask your doctor or local hospital for a referral to a grief group–combined of those like yourself, who are finding loss harder than most. You did mention you had a therapist–so get her help with this panic attack episode.

    Being alone makes it harder. Isolation makes you feel worse. Lack of money just exacerbates everything. Can you get support from family members? OR make the effort to do meaningful charity work at least once a week– with children, the elderly or a hospital. Getting out and meeting people DOES HELP. It is also a way to make friends. I know you left friends behind when you moved where you are now. Try a once a week “date” with your son–out somewhere that is new and fun. Your son will really benefit as well.

    To be blunt, dear lady, the choice is yours. If you want to feel happier and more in control of your life this time next year, NOW is the time to take action! If you don’t, things will only become WORSE. You can go on the way you are–not coping well, and miserable most of the time. OR, you can decide to find the right help, get out and make friends, and slowly put your life back together again, with the support of a grief group, and the help of a therapist.

    It won’t be easy, but it WILL be much better for both you and your son. I have staggered down the same road, and I know from experience that forcing yourself up, and into life does work!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I do read them and usually respond. I had a bad day, it happens. It’s mother’s day coming up, the 1 yr anniversary of his death is coming up, work was bad today. Really not sure what happened. I’ve never had one before.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. That’s wonderful Kawanee. But you need to make exercise, walks, and outings with friends and your son a REGULAR thing. Good habits are just as easy to INCLUDE into your day as bad ones. Do something outdoors with your son. He needs you and you need him. You will heal and recover easier if you are doing things together, rather than you will doing them apart.
        He needs you now. Having him lean on you will give you STRENGTH. Helping him and others will build your own sense of POWER and well-being. Anything that makes you feel stronger, more in charge and powerful is a PLUS for you. This is why talking with others who are in similar situations to yours, and also volunteering to help those in need, gives you comfort, adds to YOUR emotional strength, and dare I add, a smidgeon of happiness?

        This is a fight you CAN win, but you must ENGAGE every day. I am rooting for you, mate!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Been there Kawanee. Was at the hospital a few times. Stress was always the cause but over the years I learned how to work through them. You have been through so much I am not surprised you had a panic attack. You will be able to feel when one is starting and there is medication for that. Talk to your doctor and you need to talk about what’s bothering you. I hope this helps. xo

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This was sudden, I felt like I couldn’t swallow, I felt like something was stuck in my throat and I felt tingly and cold and then warm. Felt like I was going to be sick and shaky.

      Took 2 baby aspirin and called 911. They said everything looked normal. I mean I was just sitting down for dinner, took a bite and it was pain going up and down my throat and in the center of my chest.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I know exactly the feeling. I was driving to work one day on the turnpike and had to pull off the road and a State Trooper found me leaning up against a rock. Believe me Iknow. Get some medical help. A good doctor can walk you through it. You are not alone. xoxo

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Kawnee, omg, you must have been terrified. I can only share your terror as I’ve suffered from panic attacks since I was 19. It’s horrible and yes, you do think you’re going to die. The only thing that worked for me was to pace the floor, reading a book and after a while, the panic attack goes. sending huge hugs, you are not alone. xx

    Liked by 2 people

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