I know I’ve been MIA for a few months, here’s what’s been going on.
Sis came to visit in Jan, her eye looked swollen like it was sticking out of the socket and wrong. My mother and I insisted she get it checked out. She finally did and after a month or two of testing, (May) they found a tumor behind her eye. I naturally freaked out, they were throwing words like brain cancer around. I’ve dealt with a lot this past year but I’d draw the line there. Can’t deal with it. Won’t deal with it. Nope, nope, nope!
While I’m still freaking out about that, (2 days later) I get a call from my sister in law… My mom called her at work, crying and in pain wanting someone to take her to the ER. (Mom thought I was at work) I immediately call in late to work, jump out of bed run over to pick up mom, get her in my car and off to the ER we go… After a few tests, it was just sciatic nerve and she was given meds and a shot then sent home.
I had a stress headache and took something for it and went to my bed to sleep it away. Just before I have to get up, there’s a call saying my son and his friend were out drinking and driving. They say he’s been in a car accident and ran over a pregnant woman and killed her and they need bail money. $2000 to be exact. To which I replied: Give him the chair…. he’s been a bit of a disappointment… give him the chair. The woman was surprised, to say the least. She sputtered about how these were serious charges and blah blah… I replied: Yes, they are… but since he doesn’t drink, doesn’t drive and is currently in the living room playing games with the friend who is supposedly involved in the car accident…. I think we’ll be okay. So F**k off, you got the wrong person on the wrong damn day! *CLICK!*
I go to work, tired, headachey and mad… had a bad day on the phones and I decided… to splurge…. we’re going out for dinner. Now I had a missed call from my mom, but I ignored it because I need comfort and someone needs to bring me food and wait on me a little. We go to Denny’s… (not a big splurge) as we are waiting for our food I tell my son… “Remind me to call Gma and see how she’s doing…” While I’m saying this, the waiter is bringing us our food, and my phone starts ringing… it’s my mom. I answer and tell her, “I’ll call you back after I eat…”
She’s crying…. again.
Aunt J had a stroke, we’re at the hospital…
SERIOUSLY??!!!! To the waiter: pack this up… we have to go and I explain why. We dash over there, Thankfully it’s a mild stroke and she’s fully recovered now. I explained to everyone gathered there that night that they were seriously testing the limits of my happy pill prescription and that they needed to knock it off or else. It was quite funny the way she reacted to the stroke. Her PC had been acting up and someone had come over to fix it, so she’s happily playing a game after they left.. She said the mouse wasn’t moving so she thought it was her mouse pad, but it still wasn’t working right and when she realized it was her that was malfunctioning…. she looked down at her hand and said:
Wellllllll shit, I’m having a stroke.
I hope I’m that calm!
Now, on top of all that…. I’m working my butt off… I’m tired of just surviving and there was too much to deal with. I started working all the overtime I could. 5 twelve hour days for almost a month. Still no life insurance, still no workman’s comp…
May 16th is the anniversary of losing my dad, June 16th made the 1 year anniversary of losing hubby, June 18th was Father’s day, July 7th was my anniversary. Last year everything was still new, none of this was registering… this year it had time to sink in. I was stressed, depressed and crying a lot. like a lot.
I worked…. it’s better than dealing with the free time. I went back to counseling, she advised me to take some time off work before I break. She says I need to process… I need to grieve and relax. Hah! Who’s going to pay my bills? She says I need a different job, but it’s the best paying job here and it has health benefits and I need those right now.
The last two weeks, I have worked normal hours and in some ways I’ve recharged my batteries. I am told that with the first year behind me, things will get better. I’ve been told the worst is behind me now. We’ll see…