A quick catch up: part 1

I know I’ve been MIA for a few months, here’s what’s been going on.

Sis came to visit in Jan, her eye looked swollen like it was sticking out of the socket and wrong. My mother and I insisted she get it checked out. She finally did and after a month or two of testing, (May)  they found a tumor behind her eye. I naturally freaked out, they were throwing words like brain cancer around. I’ve dealt with a lot this past year but I’d draw the line there. Can’t deal with it. Won’t deal with it. Nope, nope, nope!

While I’m still freaking out about that, (2 days later) I get a call from my sister in law… My mom called her at work, crying and in pain wanting someone to take her to the ER. (Mom thought I was at work) I immediately call in late to work, jump out of bed run over to pick up mom, get her in my car and off to the ER we go… After a few tests, it was just sciatic nerve and she was given meds and a shot then sent home.

I had a stress headache and took something for it and went to my bed to sleep it away. Just before I have to get up, there’s a call saying my son and his friend were out drinking and driving. They say he’s been in a car accident and ran over a pregnant woman and killed her and they need bail money. $2000 to be exact. To which I replied: Give him the chair…. he’s been a bit of a disappointment… give him the chair. The woman was surprised, to say the least. She sputtered about how these were serious charges and blah blah… I replied: Yes, they are… but since he doesn’t drink, doesn’t drive and is currently in the living room playing games with the friend who is supposedly involved in the car accident…. I think we’ll be okay. So F**k off, you got the wrong person on the wrong damn day!  *CLICK!*

I go to work, tired, headachey and mad… had a bad day on the phones and I decided… to splurge…. we’re going out for dinner. Now I had a missed call from my mom, but I ignored it because I need comfort and someone needs to bring me food and wait on me a little. We go to Denny’s… (not a big splurge) as we are waiting for our food I tell my son… “Remind me to call Gma and see how she’s doing…” While I’m saying this, the waiter is bringing us our food, and my phone starts ringing… it’s my mom. I answer and tell her, “I’ll call you back after I eat…”

She’s crying…. again.

Aunt J had a stroke, we’re at the hospital…

SERIOUSLY??!!!! To the waiter: pack this up… we have to go and I explain why. We dash over there, Thankfully it’s a mild stroke and she’s fully recovered now. I explained to everyone gathered there that night that they were seriously testing the limits of my happy pill prescription and that they needed to knock it off or else. It was quite funny the way she reacted to the stroke. Her PC had been acting up and someone had come over to fix it, so she’s happily playing a game after they left.. She said the mouse wasn’t moving so she thought it was her mouse pad, but it still wasn’t working right and when she realized it was her that was malfunctioning…. she looked down at her hand and said:

Wellllllll shit, I’m having a stroke.

I hope I’m that calm!

Now, on top of all that…. I’m working my butt off… I’m tired of just surviving and there was too much to deal with. I started working all the overtime I could. 5 twelve hour days for almost a month. Still no life insurance, still no workman’s comp…

May 16th is the anniversary of losing my dad, June 16th made the 1 year anniversary of losing hubby, June 18th was Father’s day, July 7th was my anniversary. Last year everything was still new, none of this was registering… this year it had time to sink in. I was stressed, depressed and crying a lot. like a lot.

I worked…. it’s better than dealing with the free time. I went back to counseling, she advised me to take some time off work before I break. She says I need to process… I need to grieve and relax. Hah! Who’s going to pay my bills? She says I need a different job, but it’s the best paying job here and it has health benefits and I need those right now.

The last two weeks, I have worked normal hours and in some ways I’ve recharged my batteries. I am told that with the first year behind me, things will get better. I’ve been told the worst is behind me now. We’ll see…

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Published by: Kawanee Hamilton

Kawanee was born in Alexandria Louisiana but her first real memories are of Russellville Arkansas. She's always loved to read, and has always had an vivid imagination. She grew up in a house where almost everyone read, they didn't need a TV although she could still be found planted on her butt in front of her grandma's TV watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. She made up her first story with her mother when her cat died; it was about where pets go when they die. She continued to create stories from bad dreams she had and her dad would help her change nightmares to stories. They would sit up in a chair until the scary went away. He told her that: "Dreams, good or bad, are just stories your mind makes up. You are the author of your dreams; if you don't like them rewrite them. " She was hooked and has continued to read and write stories drawing from dreams, sights and just pure imagination. She just recently decided she'd like to try and get published and fail than wonder what if. Her story continues but where it goes from here is up to you, the Reader... She hopes you'll join her in finding out where her journey goes from here!

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12 thoughts on “A quick catch up: part 1”

  1. WOW!!! I don’t know what to say here. I am going to suggest something and you might think I’m a nut, but, you might think you want to give it a try. I don’t know how religious you are so I’m going to go in another direction. If you can, go on line and purchase some Sage, the kind you burn. As it smokes use a fan or something that you can fan the smoke with, do it through out the house, and also buy some fresh Sage at the market and put a circle of it around your house out side if you live in an apartment do it inside and by the entry door. I know it sounds crazy but you have nothing to lose and it might help. I will continue to keep you in my prayers, I know so far it seems like it isn’t helping, but, I never give up. Here’s hoping that the worst is over and tomorrow will bring a little good news your way. Thanks for the update, I am always glad to listen. Keep writing,. Hugs Patricia, xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re not nuts, and I have sage… 🙂 I’ve been meaning to use it. I’m religious(ish) but I’m also pagan(ish). I believe in natural herbs and home remedies, getting back to simple meds, natural treatments as opposed to pills. meditation, yoga… prayers… I’m open to it and welcome all positiveness.

      I hesitated to post all this, because it does seem that I’m negative. That it’s always bad news… but there was good news in there too. It’s hard sometimes to see it, but it’s in there and I do hold onto those moments.

      I feel like I’m on an upward tic… and I am hopeful.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey now, don’t forget to include that I’m okay now! And it wasn’t brain cancer they were worried about, it was cancer of the lacrimal gland (the gland that produces tears). Any way, I’m okay, remember that! I’m okay, and you will get okay. It will take time, but you will get there.

    Love you ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It is difficult to get out of a bad period, but you are going in the right direction. Just take a baby step at a time please. You are about to get better now, so take your time. Things eventually go back to normal. Just allow yourself to have faith in you, but step by step. There is no rush.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The sage might have a practical quieting effect on the nervous system like scented natural oils or even medicinal marijuana. The ancients used such natural cures without completely understanding them. The circle around the sage might have just been added as a ritual practice in ancient times. — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

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