Sorry if I worried anyone, I didn’t mean to. I just think it’s important to document things, these emotional issues, depression… anxiety while in the middle of it. Plus I get to lance an emotional boil and let some anger out in a “healthy way”. Reading it today I find it interesting… I guess I’m analyzing it (part of the writer brain I guess) as if this was a character in a book. What is making me tick, what is driving some of this, I didn’t expect the anger at the employer to be in it because it was all about missing hubby… I expected to be sad… not for it to run the way it did.
I will devote a chapter to this in my book when I write it. No one ever told me anything like this could happen… I don’t know how to deal with it. Mom didn’t have this when dad died… I know everyone is different. I’ve never had any of these things before, it’s new territory for me and I’m gaining a new respect for those that have it and are dealing with it every day and all their lives.
I can not fathom how they deal with life. How they function in society like this.
After getting some sleep, a few good cries and talking to my sister and my son I am feeling better. Now, if I could just get rid of this headache it would be great.
I will call my old grief counselor and ask her about some support groups and start going to them. Maybe go see her, if the insurance covers it… and I’ll call my doctor and see what we can do to kind of deal with this rough patch.
I know I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, I don’t know what that means or what to expect except that I’m sure it’s different for everyone. For me, it’s important legally to document the effects, the attacks, the way it’s impacted my life. I know people lose someone everyday, it’s part of life, but it didn’t have to be handled the way it was. It was a difficult time made more difficult by China and his employer and by the fact that he should have come home the week before.
I’m okay today. For a palate cleanser, check out the other posts I’ll be posting. 😛