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It’s been 4 yrs as of yesterday.

For those of you who haven’t been following along… I lost my husband 4 yrs ago on June 16th. He was over in China on business and I still don’t know what happened to him. As if that wasn’t bad enough, they decided to send me a picture of him decomposing in the morgue. This has left me with PTSD and severe anxiety as well as depression and other fun things. Since then, I had skin cancer, my favorite aunt had a stroke, I lost my job and found a new one… lost it 2 yrs later and then the same aunt spent 6 weeks in ICU and I’ve had to start taking care of my mother. She’s having some Alzheimer’s issues which has been just a wonderful ball of wax to deal with. And my leg is STILL messed up from 2016 plus I lost a major support line, one of my best friends in August of a heart attack.

The important thing is… I made it through yesterday without crying. That is good. It had been on my mind, and it infiltrated my dreams but no crying and no real dread of it being a bad day. THIS is progress! I was actually 1/2 way through the day when I realized that it was THE Day. For some reason, I thought it was going to be Wednesday the 16 but it was Tuesday. *shrug* Covid19 quarantines have us all messed up. I’m pretty sure it should be October by now.

It wasn’t even a bad day. I didn’t feel like doing anything and so I didn’t. I sat around playing a game on my PC and read a book and was a lump. The only productive thing I did yesterday was cook dinner and water my plants.

So, all in all… I hear it gets better from here on out. It feels like it will be, I don’t cry when I think of him. I can remember funny things and not get sad. It feels like my life with him was a dream, that it happened to someone else that it was so long ago and a whole different life.

It’s so weird… I still say: Dave likes coffee, or he loves dogs… it’s still the present tense.

But really, I’m doing better…. the world’s burning down around us but yeah, I’m holding on and dealing with things. 🙂

So that’s it for now…
~Kaw

3 thoughts on “It’s been 4 yrs as of yesterday.”

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